Lupus Christian Support

Doctor Visit

2009-02-05T07:24:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I went to see the Lupus doctor. He gave me some patches for the horrible pain in the tops of my feet.

He continues to say, I have Lupus and I continue to say, I do not.

He did talk to me about our insurance problem. He said, he would continue to see me no matter what. I am so very grateful. The fibromyalgia can be so very hard to handle that sometimes just talking to him about this can be helpful.

So, I have some relief about the insurance stuff and I put a patch on my foot last night and have had no pain. It is an anti inflamatory patch.

Thank you God

Update

2009-02-04T08:18:00.003-06:00

I have not written here in a very long time, but people keep showing up to read. so, I thought I would do an update.

I have been feeling fairly well. The tops of my feet hurt a lot. Feels like it is the tendons or like I am being stabbed by a pencil.

today, I see the doctor. Except for the feet and a few bumps o n my face, I am fine. Physically that is.

My husband is about to be laid off and that means no more insurance. I am fortunate to have medicare. But, that does not cover medicine. I have been looking at online pharmacies, to see if I can find better prices. One of my medicines cost $400.00 a month.

Life is about to change for me. A huge change. We will have to give up our home and move to our farm. We can sustain ourselves there but, I do not know if I can keep up the work. My daughter and her family will be moving there with us and that will help. They are homesteaders and can work the land better than I.

So, that is my update. Physically...not so bad...mentally...falling apart.

Happy

2008-07-07T08:28:00.003-05:00

I have been very depressed. God had a plan for me though and now I am so much better. My mind is now clear and joy is back in my life.

My feet swelled up. They got so huge that it looked like I had a roll of fat hanging off of them. Got some water pills and lost 13 pounds of water. WOW!! That's a lot of water. But, joy comes in the morning. I can now move again and have no pain.

All blood test continue to show the Lupus markers suppressed and for that I am thankful to the Lord. He is my strength and my redemeer. Without Him, none of this would be possible.

My healing has come through Him.

Rejoice.

2008-06-20T05:19:00.003-05:00

The water pills worked.

Problem is when I went off of them I swelled right back up. Not just my feet, my whole body.

I have found a few old water pills and am taking them while I wait to hear from the doctor.

Still no results on all that blood they took from me. I figure if there is something wrong, the doctor would have called.

Worry is believing the lies of Satan. So, I have to discipline myself not to worry. I didn't use to worry about the outcome of a test, but, today I tend to worry more. Perhaps, it is because I sat with two people as they died this last year.

Your own mortality creeps up on you when you watch someone die.

I praise God for today. I am not promise tomorrow, but today I rejoice.

Water Pills

2008-06-12T06:14:00.002-05:00

I tried to sneak into my doctors office and not see him. I was just going to have my blood work and ask for a protein test because of my swollen feet. This did not work. One look at my swollen feet and it was in to see the doctor.

He suggested I have a protein test. "Duh"!!

No protein found. So, more blood work to try and see what is happening. He, also, put me on water pills. "Yea"!!!

Took my first yesterday. Spent the morning on the toilet. I swelled up more. This morning I was just as big. I can not remember how long it takes for water pills to shrink swelling. But, I am waiting.

Not to Worry

2008-06-09T05:45:00.002-05:00

I have not posted in a while. Just not sure where I am at with my body.

I have been taking my vitamin D and was feeling a whole lot better, but lately I have been slipping.

My feet are swollen. They can get huge. I'm tired all the time and do not want to do anything. So, I crochet and try to stay home.

I do not know what the cause of my lack of enthusiasm is , but probably Fibromyalgia.

So, I look to the Lord to see what it is He would have me do. I'm thinking I'm doing what I am suppose to be doing and just taking care of myself for now. I do not feel any pressure to run out and save the world. So, I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

I have decided to see my doctor. Try to head off anything that may be happening that I do not know about. The swelling in my feet is a problem that probably needs to be addressed. But, I am not to worried about it. After all, to worry is to believe the lies from Satan.

Feeling Emotionally Better

2008-05-22T08:04:00.004-05:00

It has been a while since I have written. Seems it takes longer than I thought to mourn the loss of your mother. But, I am getting better in that department.

My headache is gone, but last Sunday, in the afternoon, I started to get stiff and continue with stiffness and pain.

I'm assuming it is fibromyalgia. Makes it hard to walk, think and get motivated. I just want to sit.

No sitting for me though. Tonight I have my community group meeting at my house and I have to get ready. I love the group but hate getting ready.

Started taking Noni again yesterday. We will see if it helps with the pain and fatigue.

A Letter to My Readers

2008-05-08T06:59:00.001-05:00

My Dear Readers,

The truth is I feel dried up. I have not got back into the swing of things and feel that I am lacking in my blogging.

I am trying to plug back into my church activities, housework, crocheting, blogging, but am having a great deal of trouble doing so. My concentration is gone and I have very little motivation.

A dear friend came by and told me that it is the Jewish tradition to mourn for a year and that it took that long with her mother. I, on the other hand, feel that it is time to get on with the task. That is what my pastor has told me and I agree. The problem is my mind and body are not quit ready. I need to give myself permission to take as long as it will to grieve.

Tonight I am going to go ahead and have my community group hear at my home. I was suppose to call everyone, that comes, and tell them it would occur. But, I have not called. Two are coming and that is only because they called or I saw them. I do not want to do anything.

So, I am trying to push myself back into the world. God, on the other hand, can not be pushed. I feel, a bit, detached even from Him. I seek Him in the mornings and wait for His nudging on what to write on my blog and I since nor hear not a word.

What I am trying to say to you, dear reader, is that if my posts seems vague, erratic, lost or just plain boring, it is because I have become those things for now. I am working my way back to myself, but for now, this is who I am.

I am a supernatural Christian processing the loss of her mother.

Blessings,
Given55

Money, Money, Money

2008-05-06T15:09:00.004-05:00

Every since my mother passed, I have woke up with a headache. I suppose it is tension, there was so much to do. It seems like there is no end to all the details.

My mother thought that she had the whole funeral paid for, but....NO. Seven hundred fifty dollars to put her in the ground and now I find out that not all of the grave stone was paid for...another three and seventy five dollars. OUCH!!!

Such a long draw out ordeal. Hard to find time to grieve. A friend told me, the other day, that it would take a year to finish grieving. No wander...no one will let you have time to grieve. Everything is about money.

I was out at the cemetery yesterday and found several graves without tombstones. Now I know why...NO MONEY!!! How irritating.

My mother wanted us to be able to relax and grieve. Poor thing had no idea how the world will not allow grief only financial gain.

Gone

2008-04-30T06:50:00.001-05:00

I don't know what to write. I really don't. I wait on God to tell me what I should write and I hear nothing. I can only reflect.

The last 12 days have been long and a blur. I have seen God move in so many ways that I can only sit in awe of the beauty of His glory. I have had ordained appointments, seen into the spirit realm and cried till my eyes became raw.

I waited for the spirit of death and he arrived last night at 10 till 7. My mother is gone. Gone from us, but now with the Father. She cried at that moment of death and I rose up from my sit, bent over her and spoke truth to her. She heard me, my brother kissed her and she left. Oh, how we wept.

Throughout the day people had come and gone in her room. So, many prayed and so many songs were sang over her. The song, still resonate in my heart. My friends came and loved on my mother as if she were their own. They are, my friends, beautiful people of God. Giving of themselves in that hour and showing the love of God. To them I say "Thank you".

I prayed, all day, that God would let me see her go. I expected, if I saw, it to be like it was in the post "Spirit of Man". But, as the day went on, I just began to ask for God's will and left my need behind. Turns out, a friend had been praying that God would give me a supernatural experience with my mother and he did.

At some point in the day, I had the thought that my mother's spirit was going to go right through me. After the thought, I pondered and told myself that was weird.
Feeling it was my own strange thinking, I let it go. But, in that last moment, I knew before she took her last breath that it was done. I sat back and I saw a blur quickly rise up out of her and fly right through me. I felt a weight come off of me. It gave me the feeling that I had lost a hundred pounds and was, for a second weightless. She did as I had thought and flew right through me.

It has only been eleven hours now, but there has been much speculation on why this happen by a handful of people. One, was that she took with her the burden that I have been carry for the last five years of taking care of her. I don't know. Maybe, it was just God's way of answering my prayer of seeing her go. No matter what the reason, it was a beautiful moment and I thank the Most High for giving it to me.

They told us that we could take as much time with her as we wanted after she was gone. But, we began to pack up and leave. She was no longer there and we saw no point. Her body is now in the hands of the embalmer, which is a notion that I can not stand. I detest embalming and think that we should, like the Jews, go to the ground quickly and not mutilate the body. But, she wanted to allow time for her out of state family to come to see her. So, I cringe and just take it.

There are certain things that we need and want in this life and one that strikes us to the very core is the need for our mothers. Good or bad we are connected to her in so many ways. That earthly connection, for myself, has been broken. I will, however, see her again. I have that great hope in my life. I have assurance of where she is now and her future. My mother has not stopped she has become more. More lovely, more vigorous, more joyful, more enlightened, more gracious, more elegant, more beautiful. She is now set free and I know, with out a doubt, that she is happy.

Mother

2008-04-24T07:22:00.002-05:00

My mother has been very ill. She is passing on. It is a slow process and I and my brother, Only in His Service, have been spending everyday in the hospital trying to get her to eat.

It is exhausting and difficult to watch. My heart is heavy and sadness radiates my entire being.

Can't Stand Myself

2008-04-18T08:34:00.003-05:00

I continue to do well. The vitamin D is a 5,000 mg dose. I'm having some side affects. Stomach problems, loose bowel and, I believe, I STINK.

Yes, I smell myself. Others say, they don't smell me. I DO!!!!

Taking showers, covering myself in lotion....nothing helps.

I'm hoping this gets better. I have to take these pills, once a week for two months. I can't stand myself.

What to do?

Joy!!!

2008-04-11T07:15:00.003-05:00

My joy is overwhelming.

I got my blood work back yesterday and am amazed. I am not in a flare. As a matter of fact, my lupus markers are still suppressed. Thank you God.

All these symptoms are from a vitamin D deficiency. All the symptoms. Is that remarkable. The symptoms mimicked Lupus.

I can not thank God enough. Truly, His healing five years ago continues. Even when I wavered and fell under the delusion that the Lupus was back, God was faithful and kept me safe from myself.

Thank you God.

There is no one like our God. His faithfulness endures forever.

Fear

2008-04-10T07:15:00.004-05:00

Do you fear Lupus? My child, "I have not given you a spirit of fear".

I have never gone into fear over my diagnosis. It,Lupus, will not break my spirit,nor define my life. It is but a "thorn in my side". I will remember my vulnerability, because of it, but will not succumb to its rules.

I will live above the nature of Lupus and live, only with the Word of God. That is what defines me for the Word says, I am "Wonderfully and perfectly made". This is the truth and it is what I live by.

Some would say, "How foolish". "You live in a dream and ignore the reality." My answer is that this place is just a stop over to eternity and my lot here is "Nothin but a thing."

I will live above Lupus and glorify the Lord. Lupus will not distract me, nor take me from my purpose on this earth. Through it, Lupus, God has spoke to many, so things are not as they appear. "In all things, I will glorify the Lord."

So, when you are flaring or taking another test. Sing to the Lord, He is your comfort. Pray for that peace, that goes beyond all understanding, and you will find it. Believe, in the mighty power, of the Living God and He will deliver you from the fear of the disease called Lupus.

Free from the Grip of Death

2008-04-08T21:59:00.003-05:00

It has been a week since I saw the doctor and I still have not heard a word from him. No news on my test results. I suppose that is good, but I am curious.

I feel wonderful though. Last Thursday, I got prayer from my small group and feel I was delivered from a spirit of death. I believe that I had just decided I was going to die and was just going to succumb to it.

The prayer was amazing and full of love. My deliverance complete. My spirit is so much lighter and my body feel light and painless. I am very happy.

Apple Cider Vinegar

2008-04-02T10:01:00.003-05:00

I went to the doctor today. Weird!!! The decision on new medications was put off. They took six vials of blood to see where I am at, because I have seen some improvement over the last week and the reason is soooo weird.

Apple cider vinegar. YEP!!! That is what I said. Apple cider vinegar.

My husband has serious sinus problems and I read where apple cider vinegar would help. So, I started him on a drink made up of the vinegar, honey and Stevia. He hated the taste so bad, that I drank it with him. You know, like showing your children that the medicine is not so bad. Well, I found that the swelling in my mouth went down to nearly nothing, my reaction to chemicals stopped and I had more energy. Is that weird.

Well, I am grateful. I still do not know what the blood nor urine will show, but the doctor said that Vinegar is an anti-inflammatory as well as the Noni that I have been taking and to keep it up. We will see about the blood test.

I thank God for His hand on nature. I use to not think much about holistic medicine. But, I have certainly changed my mind. I will be looking at more natural remedies now. Everything we need has been put into place by God and I just need to look for it. Thank you, God.

So many have been praying for me and for that I am so grateful. God plots out our every step and I find comfort there. Where He leads, I will follow. Whatever comes next, I will find God in it and rely on Him for my strength.

I Don't Want To

2008-03-26T06:16:00.005-05:00

Ok, so this is how it goes.

I have a place where the inside of your cheek meets the bottom of your mouth that keeps swelling up. On the other side of my mouth, the saliva gland will, now and then, will swell up, the size of a marble. Real uncomfortable. My skin has decided to react to soaps, conditioners etc.. By giving me the feeling that I am on fire. Again, real uncomfortable. I am getting welts on my skin, especially on my face, that, at times, turn into little scabs. For the finale, my ankle began to hurt the other day and both feet swelled. The pain became so intense that I could no longer walk. Better now though. Does not sound good.

I have not seen the doctor, but do go next week, for my regular three months check up. I have purposely not called him, because,...well...I don't want to know. The truth laid bear "I really, don't want to hear the truth." I do not want to go back on a huge regime of pills again, steroid nor chemotherapy. The help for Lupus can seem, at times, so much worse than the disease.

I know this is stinking thinking. I'm just not ready to go for the fixer upper. So, next week, I will tell the doc my story and submit myself to the tests. Ouch.

I no longer ask God "Why". I have seen to many blessings come out of my plight. I'm not saying I accept this disease nor do I define myself by it. But, I know that God makes good out of bad and I have seen the good. Many have wondered at the strength that God has given me to endure and have looked to God for the same inner strength. It has taught others that one does not have to be in sin to get sick and they have seen God bring me back from the arms of death. To God be the glory.

But, now I am again, it would appear, going to have to fight the fight of defending my God. Having to battle those who would say, "your sick because of your sin", "you need to repent", "you are out of the grace of God", "your faith is not large enough", "God does not cause nor allow sickness". I would like to say to them all, "Get a grip." But, instead, I will deny my flesh and give way to God's voice.

My God is a mighty God. He reigns in Heaven and Earth. Nothing gets by Him. He sees me and knows my strength. He uses me to glorify His kingdom and with that I am glad.

Last Week

2008-03-22T03:59:00.003-05:00

I have been away from my blog a little longer than I would have like to have been. My mother feel and broke her hip and it has been terrible.

She is now in a nursing home. Putting her there was very hard, but she is doing well.

During all this, the Lupus has really acted up. My legs swell and my ankle hurts so bad that one day I had to use a wheel chair. Then for a couple of days a cane.

Yesterday, I had less swelling and could walk on my ankle all day. I, probably, need to go to the doctor to see if my kidney is compromised. I could not find the time last week, but will go this coming week.

I feel so in over load. To many decisions and to many problems. In a twinkling of an eye, my life just turned upside down. I am probably have more trouble because I am so stressed. Very hard to not be stressed with all that has been going on,

I continue to hear my mother in my home and try to remember her needs. But, she is gone and will probably not return to my home. It is so very sad.

For myself, life has changed as much as for my mother. Having always taken care of someone, I now only have my husband, so I will spoil him, I suppose.

The Fight

2008-03-14T07:51:00.003-05:00

I feel really energized today. I thank God for that. He fills me with life.

I read a blog today, that was about the fact that, you never know when fatigue will hit you. This is true. You can be going along, with your day, and then, all of the sudden, exhaustion.

I have not suffered with this in a long time. The more I minister, keeping my eyes on God, the less likely I am to experience these kinds of affects. I am grateful to God that his glory shine on me.

But, then you have the other symptoms. Again, my way of fighting such things, is to rebuke the attack of the evil one, and claim victory. Do I get tired of the fight? You bet. Do I at times falter in my fight. Oh, yes. But, I always come back to face the enemy and take my life back.

Today, if I look into the mirror, I see welts on my face. But, if I look beyond the mirror and into the face of God. I see a person that is "fearfully and perfectly made."

Wish I felt better. But, Oh Well

2008-03-11T07:09:00.004-05:00

I wish I could say "I fell better", but that would be a lie.

It would seem with Lupus, you never know what is around the next corner.

Always a surprise. I, now, have been getting bumps, not a rash, on my face and arms. They kind of look like hives, but do not itch very much. The day after I get them, the bumps have a small scab on them. I have no idea what this is about.

My pain, except for my ribs, is horrible, at times and the stiffness is awful. Brain fog has become all to familiar and my spiral into the depths of sickness seems unstoppable.

But, I find comfort in my Lord and have constant communion with Him. He is my strong tower.

My ministry to others has pick up and this helps me to keep my mind off of the Lupus. Helps me to not be defined by the disease. I am a child of God, not a body who goes by Lupus. I am wonderfully and perfectly made.

I have been busy crocheting. Love to crochet. Such fun. Here is my latest project.

Pretty happy about the way it turned out.

There seems to be lots of activities in my life that help to keep my mind off of what is happening to my body. So much better than laying around thinking about it. Life is and can be good.

crochet & Noni

2008-03-05T06:45:00.004-06:00

Well, Praise God for natural remedies.

I forgot to take the Noni yesterday and found out it truly does work. By midday my pain was back. I realized that I had not taken the Noni and am now back on it and the pain is again gone.

I continue to do pretty well. Can't say that this thing has me down. My ministry is growing and I keep my eyes on God, not on Lupus.

My daughter and I have started a new business. We are starting out in my home, to try and build a clientele and then, hopefully open a store front. We make everything we sell from scratch.

My daughter is a homesteader. She is making breads, pastries, noodles,etc. and I crochet. I make anything. Right now, I have purses, baskets, shawls and a few other items. Below are some pictures of our first day we opened.

We did pretty good. We only had nine customers, but we both sold over fifty dollars worth of goods and both got orders. It is very exciting. Crocheting is something I can do and still be disabled. It does not take a lot of energy and uses my time creatively. I am a crochet addict.

I love the colors in this pillow

Hobo bag

Other bags. Some are made with hemp.

Basket made with hemp and leather.

This is suppose to be a basket, but everyone kept putting it on their heads. It finnaly sold as a hat.

My shawls.

Noni

2008-02-26T05:51:00.003-06:00

The Noni worked incredibly well on my chest pain. I just take a tablespoon in the morning and one at night. In two days my pain was gone.

I am not going to go off of it to prove that it is the Noni that has caused my relief. That is what my husband has purposed. I am just believing that God had me find the information on Noni and it works.

The Noni does not take away all my pain, but I do believe that it has taken away a lot of the swelling in my ligaments so the pain is reduce. Well, in my chest it is gone. I did notice that if I am late in taking the Noni, I begin to feel a bit of tightening in my chest. Maybe, that is prof enough for my husband.

I suggest you give it a try if you have pain. I got mine at Walmart and it is not expensive.

So, I thank God for His wisdom and grace in leading me to Noni. Praise you Father.

Just one more Thing

2008-02-20T06:39:00.003-06:00

I have a diagnosis. Costochondritis. What??? Oh, yea!!! Isn't that a fun name.

If you want to learn more or understand this one, here is a link.

The pain is horrible. Sometimes, it is so extreme, that I can't walk. When I take a step it just drives the pain through my body.

I have started a herbal substance for pain relief. It is called Noni. I hope it works, because the pain medication has stopped working and if I go for stronger medicine, I will not be able to function at all. Although, sleep is good, when you hurt this bad.

God is so good, all this is drawing me closer to Him. I can only depend on Him to provide for me. To sustain me, to deliver me, to heal me. I have a great God, who I can call upon, at anytime, and He will comfort me.

Thank you God.

Still Waiting

2008-02-18T07:51:00.002-06:00

Saw the Doctor on Friday. But, no news. Did another ekg and then ex-rays. Hopefully, I will find out, something, today.

Turns out, that when I went to the hospital, they gave me a pain mediciene, that is the strongest pain medicine know to man. It certainly worked. But, only for a short time. Now they have me on Percecet. I sleep a lot and am no good as posting.

I am copying some of what I wrote today on my other blog, because, I am way to droggy to spell or think right. I hope what I wrote shows some of where I am at right now.

If this does not make a lot of sense, it is because I am still on some heavy pain medicine. First, thank all of you for your response to my last post. I was over joyed with the love that poured out from my brother and sisters. Many even came over from my daughters blog, A Homesteading Neophyte, to encourage me. I am so grateful.

I saw my doctor on Friday and still do not know anything. She just put me on stronger pain medicine. So, I sleep a lot. Then I wake up and the pain is too much, so I take a pill and sleep. I have, however, been doing a lot of crocheting. But, I find my self waking up, frozen in time, in the middle of a stitch.

The Christian response to my flare up of Lupus has been diverse. Some say, "it is an attack from Satan". Some, just except it as part of living in this world. Others, believe I need to search myself for a sin. Then there are the ones who see it as a trial.

As to it being an attack, could be. My ministry is growing again and I usually start to have trouble when that happens. There was something in my house yesterday. It was visible not only to me, but to my husband, which is unusual. It showed itself several times. My thought, at first, was that, it was my medicine causing me to see things, but when my husband saw it, I knew different. But, is this because of an attack? I see, feel and smell things a lot. Could be something besides an attack. Need to pray to find out about this thing in my home.

Is the flare up of Lupus just because we live in a fallen world. This could be also. The cause of Lupus is not really known. They have their suspicions, but no real answers. I may be genetically disposed to Lupus. Which could be a curse. Of course, many, including myself, have prayed to break a curse of Lupus. But, have not seen the results of that breaking. Whether, it be from the environment, genetics or self inflicted abuse of my body, this world has a lot to offer in the way of sickness and pain. But, through the power of God these things are overcomed.

Is it a sin? I, always, have sin. Why, would this be from a sin, now. In the past, God has always shown me a sin that needs to be addressed. When the sin is exposed, God and I usually take care of it and I walk free from that particular sin. So, why would one sin be treated any different from the other. God always has my attention, He talks to me, this should be no different. Now that I write this, I realize that I have not even asked God "why".

The last time, I was sick, He did not give me a "why". He just told me that I would be sick of two years. I did not know if I would die after those two years or be healed. But, it was two years and I never did ask "why". Do, I need to know "why"? I don't think I do. The out come of the last time was amazing. God used Lupus, to minister in amazing ways. Ways that would not have been possible before Lupus. So, I'm not sure I'll be asking "why".

Is, this reacourance of Lupus a trail? Well, I don't know. If I don't ask, then, I don't know. God, pretty much knows, that I am His, no matter what. But, I never exactly, know the mind of God. After all, His ways are not my ways.

So, with all the different theories and suggestions, I listen, pray and ponder and then let God be God in my life. I do fight, because, I am not one to take anything lying down. But, I also, try to walk the path that God has laid out before me with dignity and peace.

Well, my hour is up. You see, dear reader, I have one hour from the time I wake up till the medicine and pain over take me and I am lost to this world. I hope this post makes sense to you. I understand it completely. Of course, I am living in a different zone than you might be. My world is a bit blurred right now.

I am totally blessed by you, my dear readers.

Hospital Visit

2008-02-15T07:01:00.003-06:00

Last night, I had to go to the emergency room with chest pain. I hate it that with Lupus, so much of the time, they can not find any reason for your pain.

At least, my heart was not involved.

I have to see my doctor today for follow-up, because, if the pain is front fluid around the heart, it was to soon to show up on the ex-ray.

What I believe it is, is swollen ligaments and tendons in my rib cage. My pain is horrible. Truly need relief. Any ideas out there?

My Inner Ear

2008-02-14T05:50:00.004-06:00

Last night, before I went to bed, I noticed I had a bright red spot on my face. I have not seen one of those for several years. I felt pretty disappointed and it is still there this morning. But, I will be extremely happy, if this thing on my face, does not get any bigger or spread.

I am having some trouble with my inner ear. I have autoimmune inner ear disease. It came about from the Lupus. The Lupus attack the mechanism in my ear that keeps the fluid, in my ear level. This causes me to be dizzy. Very dizzy. But, for the last few years, I have not had any trouble.

Now, it would seem, it is back. I will be just sitting around, minding my own business, when suddenly the room will take off. It will spin violently. Or I may feel like I am floating. This all can, also, cause me to be confused.

Back then, I was sent to see a vertigo specialist. He put me on a low dose water pill, which, after a while, helped. I suppose, I need to go and see him again. But, going back to see him feels like I am giving into this attack. Going backwards some how.

I seek the Lord on this flare up. Waiting for a word or vision on why, this is all coming back on me. But, I refuse to linger in the pit of Lupus. I will keep my eyes on God, doing His work and not giving up.

A Question of Ethics

2008-02-09T05:55:00.000-06:00

This article that I'm posting is about a breakthrough in research into mitochondrial DNA research. They may have found a way to manipulate DNA by using 3 embryo from three different parents. This manipulation could lead to a cure for autoimmune disease.

I read the article and was a bit uneasy. I questioned myself. Is this manipulation ethically wrong? Are we messing where we should not be? Are we playing with life? Would I take a drug designed from the embryo's of three different parents?

My answer to the last question was. "Yes". Then why ask the first set of questions?

Click here for the article.

Cold Feet

2008-02-06T06:22:00.001-06:00

Always concerned about my cold foot, I found this article "The Chill Factor" that talks about Raynaud's Disease. It is a good read.

I did, however, I believe, figure mine out. A talk with my doctor eased my mine. It appears to be a nerve problem. I was in fear it was my heart.

Caretaking

2008-02-04T23:37:00.000-06:00

I am still going up and down. Went to church Sunday feeling great, but by midday pain had set in and I broke down and took pain medication.

My mother lives with me. She has Alzheimer’s and is in the middle stage. It is such a struggle, at times. Well, a lot of the time. My mother is a very self centered woman and that has not stopped with the onset of Alzheimer’s. She has become quite demanding.

Right now, she has a swollen wrist and hand. I enlisted my daughter to help me and we took her to the doctor today. No broken bones, just incredibly swollen. She is suppose to just rest the hand and wait to see if it gets better. The outcome of this trip to the doctor was, she has become more helpless.

The thing is, when she thinks you are not looking, she is not in the least bit helpless. Then the problem is with me. There are times when I just don't have the energy to cater to her. She said to me the other day, "I know you hurt, but I need you go to the kitchen and get me food." I made her wait, but was stunned at her callousness. This is not new behavior nor a result of the Alzheimer’s. She has always been like this.

One day, if she lives, I will, more than likely have to put her in a nursing home. I, do not look forward to that day. Even though, our relationship is hard, at least for me, I find the act of putting her in a nursing home difficult. I know the time is coming. It will likely be because I can not take care of her anymore.

Sometimes, I look forward to be alone with my husband and other times I feel guilt thinking this way. I'm sure this is all so very normal. So, I pray to God for His wisdom and peace in this coming decision. Leaning on Him, I pray for understanding and compassion in my current situation. I know I am learning lessons from God in this time and I struggle through this time knowing that on the other end, God's lessons will bless me.

For now, I keep my mother near and try to make her life comfortable and loving. It is a trail for me to not take on selfish thinking and to not become bitter. So, I will, give those kinds of feelings and thoughts over to God for Him to do with them the right and wish thing.

Ouch!!!

2008-01-29T05:52:00.000-06:00

One day up and one day down.

Yesterday was great,today stinks.

Yesterday no pain, today ouch!!!

A cold front is going through our fair city and I feel the pain. Unfortunately, I live on the prairie in Kansas, where fronts come through quick and often. There is little warning. I have a friend that keeps a barometer in her home and will look at it and say, "It's coming." I'm not so sure I really want to know that bad.

So, today is not so good. But, I will keep my mind on other things and find small tasks to do around my home. I will not succumb to the pain nor to the disease.

We can dream

2008-01-28T08:32:00.000-06:00

I am doing so much better. The steroid treatment is over and I feel back to normal. I'm praying that I am done with this flare.

It had been so long since I had felt this good, that I went out and had my hair cut, went shopping and visited a friend. All normal stuff, but for us chronics it is special.

People who are not suffering with illness have no concept of what it is like to loose those normal things. They go shopping, visit friends, get their hair done without thinking much about it. But, for us, it is a day of planning, praying that we make it through and that there we are not sick and tired from the event the next day. How, I long for those carefree days of old.

If I could just go anywhere at anytime, I would be so happy. To not worry about the outcome of my choices, whether I have my medicine or even if the weather will hold out, would be heavenly. We can dream, can't we.

But, I did go out. And it was wonderful. I love those days when all seems right with the world. I anticipate more of these days and look forward to walking in the woods behind my house in the spring.

My Addiction

2008-01-24T05:24:00.000-06:00

While I was hard into the grasp of Lupus, I was put on pain medicine. I was told that it would help the Fibromyalgia. I was in a lot of pain and trusted the Doctors. The problem was, I was put on Oxycontin.

It started, as they say, innocently enough. I took them as prescribed. I really had no idea that I had become addicted to pain medicine.

My behavior began to change. I no longer searched within my self for sin. I no longer stilled my mind to hear the voice of my God. I no longer saw with the eyes of Christ. I no longer saw good in people. I had become a different person, full of suspicion, doubt, fear.

I began to act without thinking. I found myself, one day, with a gun in an abandoned house, thinking about ending my life. I don't know how I got there or why I was thinking this way, except that Satan wanted to kill me. I did, reach out & call someone who talked with me and deescalated the situation.

I saw people as the enemy. I became judgemental of some & proud over others. This behavior finally got me into trouble at my church. No one, exactly, knew what had become of me, but, they did know that I had changed in a negative way. Meetings were called and confrontation of my behavior were addressed. I finally felt overwhelmed with meetings and my inability to defend myself and left my precious church.

I felt so persecuted. Very much into me, me, me. I was lost in my confused mind soaking up my thoughts of victimization. I felt sorry for myself. The deal is, you are suppose to examine ones self. I was not capable at that time of even grasping that there was something wrong with me. Looking inward in the confusion of my chosen drug was impossible. Never have I been so overwhelmed with self.

I lost a bottle of Oxycontin. You can't get refills when you've lost a narcotic. So I was suddenly faced with the truth. The pain started to grow. I saw my doctor and told her that I believed that I was withdrawing and she gave me a week of methadone. This helped that first week, but, I had withdrawals for two weeks.

I laid on my couch for two weeks. The pain was unbearable. I did not receive any medication for the pain. I could not fathom how I was going to live in so much pain. There seemed to be no hope for my future. I had lost my church, lost my dignity, and was facing a life of intolerable pain. But, God is good.

After the two weeks had past, my pain left me. Completely gone. My mind had so longed for the feel good of drugs that it created pain to get its fix. NO PAIN.

The realization of the last few years began to set in. What a mess I had left in my addiction. I needed to repent and clean up my mess. I thought long and hard about repentance before I took the next step.

I wrote to the pastor of the church that I had walked out of and began my walk into forgiveness. I had been on staff at that church when I walked out. I left behind division and hurt people. Through conversations with the pastor it was decided that I would speak at the two Sunday morning services and repent to the church.

Scary? You bet. Humbling? I felt like a worm crawling on the ground. I, really did not want to do it, but, felt it was the right thing to do. Repentance, what a wonderful, positive exercise in the Christian walk. So cleansing and loving to self and others.

I spoke to the church that Sunday morning. Didn't think I had any energy left after the first service. It drained me of everything I had. God was so good to me, I found the energy and was forgiven. God watch me that day and I hope he was pleased. He did, on that day open up new doors for me to walk down. A healing path and a new walk into the unknowing. You see, I not only lost myself in my addiction, I lost God.

God was near me, but, I didn't acknowledge Him. So into ME, that He became less important. My own fleshy needs were far greater than my need for God. But, repentance healed and brought me back to God. He was waiting for Me and I am so glad He is a forgiving God.

Addiction sneaks up on you. It is a tool that Satan uses to steal God's people. Confusion, isolation, despair are the path of the addict. I experienced this dark place and from that my heart breaks over the pain of the addict. I understand their agony, but, I also, understand, that I will never fall back into that dark place. Never will I leave my God again.

Brain Fog

2008-01-22T07:33:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I put a roast in my slow cooker at 11:00 am. At 3:00 pm, I went to check on it. I had not turned it on.

I went into the bedroom to do laundry. I found some books that needed to be put away. Put the books away, then hours later, found the laundry still in the bedroom.

Decided to make lunch for myself and my mother. Got to the kitchen, started putting dishes in the dish washer - didn't notice the roast- finished with the dishes and went back to the living room to sit back down. Never did get lunch.

The brain is not tracking to well. I feel like I can focus. But, apparently I'm fooling myself. It's a good thing I no longer work. It could be a total disaster.
I would staple when I need to paper clip. Leave the copies in the copier and go home for lunch and forget to go back.

I look at all this and have to laugh. It does entertain me. Better to be entertained than to feel depressed by it. I can only rely on my God to see me through and that I do. I assume that He too finds me entertaining and together we laugh.

New Poll

2008-01-20T16:56:00.000-06:00

My need to know has taken over me and I have created a poll in the Lupus Support Prayer Room.

Every so often I will ask a question, to satisfy my curiosity and to hopefully create pondering in your, dear readers, mind.

I hope you visit and take part. Who knows, it could be just the thing you need. While there leave me a prayer request. I'm always ready to pray. Just click on the Prayer request to the right and your there.

New genetic mutation halts Lupus

2008-01-20T06:05:00.001-06:00

This hopeful news is all over the internet. If you have not heard about it or read about it yet get it here.

2008-01-18T09:42:00.000-06:00

Oh man, I'm tired of the cold. Another cold front is coming through and again I'm in pain. Seems like lately, I'm in pain a lot.

I'm again, wrapped up in my heating pad. Please, stop being so cold. I stop the steroids Sunday. I feel a bit better, in the Sjorgrens area, but, I am still a bit swollen in my saliva gland. I can live with that though.

I realize that I need to be more moderate in my life style. To do a little work and then rest. I, usually, work hours and then pay the next day. My new tactic is to work, rest, work,rest. I know, I'm a little slow at figuring that one out. I can be really stubborn when it comes to trying to keep my life as normal as possible. Wanting to be like others, I tend to ignore symptoms and attempt to live my life like they do. Not wise, I know, but, I am finally coming around.

Last night, my community group met here, at my home. I lead the group, so I have to prepare for them to come and then clean up after they leave. Now, that I have been suffering, a bit, this becomes much harder to do. I still have not cleaned up from last night. It can wait. The whole thing wears me out, but, it is what God has called me to do, so, out of obedience I continue. I just need to learn to keep my health in mind and limit or be smart about how much I do.

God is good. He always gives me the strength and encouragement to go on.

My hormone testimony

2008-01-17T07:04:00.000-06:00

I have been reading a lot about hormones and Lupus lately. So, I thought I would tell you about my own strange situation with hormones and Lupus.

I was diagnosed at 48 years of age. I was starting the change. Within a year my period had stopped and blood tests confirmed I was now done with having children. I went through another year of agony with the symptoms of Lupus.

After my friends fasted and prayed for me and I went into healing, the blood test showed that I had not gone through menopause. Within a month I was back having periods. How weird is that? I went through menopause and then came back out of it.

The doctor was a bit stumped. He had the medical test in front of him, but found it all to weird. He did say to me, that there is an assumption that hormones play a part in Lupus. I didn't care, I felt great.

So, the next idea was, that since I felt so much better, it would be a good idea to keep me having periods and to not let me go back into menopause. So, I started taking hormones. Whoa, I hated that. My periods were heavy and of course a nuisance. So, I went back off of the hormones. Nothing happened. I stopped having periods, went back through menopause again and had no recurring Lupus symptoms for the next 5 years.

Strange isn't it. Going through menopause once is enough, but twice. Ouch. I don't have to worry any more about going through it again. Last year, I had to have a hysterectomy.

God is good. The hysterectomy came just in time. They did the surgery because my uterus was trying to fall out. But, when they got in there, they found cysts and the beginning of other diseases. Thank you Godm for your intervention.

Alone

2008-01-15T08:27:00.000-06:00

Lupus is a lonely disease. You don't always have the look of being sick,so people don't get it. You suffer alone. You fight alone. You survive alone.

My husband is an extraordinary man. He can't feel my pain, but he does identify with me. He grieves when I do and tries to give me strength. But, I am alone. Inside this shell of flesh I am the only one who feels it, looks at it for what it is and I am the one that calls it by name. Lupus.

Lupus is reflected in the way I see the world, in the way I define my relationships and in the way I look at the outcome of my life. I am alone in this disease. It is I who carries it to its completion and it is I who has such intimate knowledge of it characteristics. It is I that curses it and it is I who has to learn how to embrace it.

So alone, with this enemy am I. It takes up my precious time and steals from me. It jumps at every chance to isolate me and discourage me. Sometimes it leaves me alone and teases me with health. But, it always knows that it will be back and again it becomes me and Lupus.

So very alone I stand. Facing the enemy of my life. So lonely in my efforts to endure, so weak from the fight. Sometimes, I can feel it trying to take my life and I alone stand against it. I alone fight the fight of my life, I alone call it by name.

I will endure to the end, fighting alone. Taking encouragement from others but, watching them live a life that I would relish. Knowing that even with their love and embraces, I alone know the intimacy of Lupus.

So, I "fight the good fight". I call upon my God and Father. I lean upon the strength of who He is and know that in the end, He alone is the true weapon of this life and He alone sustains me.

In the end, I am not alone. My God, He strengthens me. So, the truth is, that inside of me, is a crowd. There is my spirit, Lupus and my God. "With God for me, who can be against me." "There is a purpose for everything under heaven." So, even though I feel alone and I struggle with the hardship of life, I will remember that "He will never leave me nor forsake me."

2008-01-13T06:17:00.000-06:00

Glitter Graphics & Comments

Power in words

2008-01-13T05:26:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, I think it better to not contact nor see the Doctors. I know, that's dumb, but that's the way it feels sometimes.

I'd been symptomatic for several months before I called my Doc about the knot in my neck and the pain associated with it. When he told me it was Sjorgrens, I thought he was probably wrong.

When I get a diagnosis, I usually start with acceptance. The Doctor is right. But, there is the thing in the back of my brain that says, "NO" That's wrong. That is the way it was with the Sjogrens.

He tells me I have Sjogrens, I say ok. Hang up the phone, go to the Internet, look up the symptoms, and decide the Doc is wrong. I don't have dryness at all. Of course, I ignore that dryness can come in degrees and perhaps I have not, really, even noticed. I tend to ignore a lot of symptoms and pain.

So, I start the steroids and within a week my eyes start drying up. At first, I ignored, but then I realized what was happening. Now, my thoughts go to. Doctor said it, now it is happening.

Many Christians believe that what you say comes to pass. That if you say things into the air, there is power there and by saying things out loud you make them come become a reality. Personally, I think this is way out there. If everything I have ever said came to pass, then there would be a lot of dead people in my path.

Ever wish someone was dead? Well, I have. Of course, that was before I was a Christian. But, to believe that my words have absolute power is ridiculous. The power of my words, only, responses to the name of my Lord Jesus Christ. I will not come under the bondage of watching every word I say.

I have a friend who actually will spell the word, instead of saying it. I suppose, he feels that spelling it gives it less power. I, as a person who walks in the spiritual realm, see the power of words. And the power of a word lays behind the meaning, truth and walk of the person saying it. Who do they pray to is a big question. Are the cursing a person?

So, did the Doctor give me Sjogrens by speaking it into the air. No, he is a good and kind man, who was doing the work that Christ put him here to do. Did I take on Sjorgrens because he said I had it. No, not a gift I want, thank you.

Unfortunately, Sjorgrens in with me. A new path in my earthly walk. An unexpected path, but, one I will walk in faith and unquestioning. It is of no ones fault, no one spoke it into the air and made me sick. I am now, symptomatic, because the illness has progressed and the Doctor diagnosed it before the dryness took affect.

God is so good to me. I believe in his power and glory. I know that my path is marked out and with every day that passes He is using me to His glory. Sjogrens is now a part of that journey and I will walk it out knowing that the true power behind what is happening to me lies in the Hand of my maker.

A Good day

2008-01-10T23:13:00.000-06:00

My day was soooo much better. I actually, got out of my chair and did house work. It felt great. My pain was minimal and I could work through it. Took a few breaks now and then to not get overly tired. Got everything done I wanted to.

I did start having problems when I went to the grocery. During the walk, around the store, I started feeling pain in my feet and calves. I kept thinking "NO" I'm not going to start again. I'm going to finish what I have started. The pain became intense, I started some focused breathing and focused shopping.

I finished and got all I needed. But, when I got home and rested a bit. The pain and stiffness began to increase. All in all, I did good. I got dinner for my husband and mother. Made snacks for my new cell group and sat down to wait for the evening meeting.

It was my first cell group meeting. Went great and I forgot I hurt. Now, that it is over....I hurt!!!!! My shins, feet and back have had enough. But, God is good. I am not going to complain, it was a good day.

Rejoice over the small things. Rejoice over the blessings, Rejoice because you are wonderfully and perfectly made.

Hopefull article

2008-01-09T14:37:00.000-06:00

"Profound immune system discovery opens door to halting destruction of lupus"

came across this article yesterday. I may be slow at finding these things, but I figure I'm not the only one. So, I'm posting the link here, for your reading pleasure.

What a hopeful article.

Help!! I need help from myself

2008-01-09T13:44:00.000-06:00

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. The pain and steroids are getting the best of me.

I've been trying to do house work and can get very little done at a time. I start a cell group, here in my home tomorrow night and I'd like my house to look descent. Yea, right. The thing is, friends have offered to come over to help me clean, but,I don't want them to. I appreciate the offer but, want to do it myself.

Do you think it is pride, or am I being stubborn, or am I afraid that I'm giving up. When I look at all three, I think they all apply. Need to work on that. Take it to God and plead for mercy.

Anyway, my break is up. Back to the house work.

Please, God, give me the energy,

Wonderful Magazine

2008-01-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

I have been reading "But You Don't Look Sick" an on line magazine. I really enjoy reading it. IF you have not read it yet, I recommend you give it a try.

Great Article

2008-01-08T22:47:00.000-06:00

Wonderful, wonderful article on living with Lupus and the changes the one suffering with Lupus goes true. A great read. Read it here.

Eyes on God

2008-01-07T13:03:00.000-06:00

Well, I got through the weekend. Even, thanks to steroids, got to go to church.

I have told quit a few people that the Lupus is back and have had various reactions. Mostly, they say it is an attack from Satan. Does not feel that way to me. I believe it to be a test.

Some ask, what sin am I in. I'm always sinning, but, I have not entered into anything new. I did, start, to ask myself that question. But, decided that I was not going there. I was not going to dwell on looking for a sin in my life. I will, instead, concentrate on the glory of God. To stay in that negative thinking will only hurt me. God will reveal if I need to change something in my life.

I, again, am sad but not devastated. Whatever the reason for this flare or relapse, I will endure and all the while keep my eyes on God.

Sjogren's

2008-01-04T12:51:00.000-06:00

I just got a diagnosis of secondary Sjogren's. What to do? My saliva glands are swollen on the right side of my face. I don't have dry mouth, but do have a fair amount of pain.

Doctor is ordering steroids again. Short term, but, I really don't want to go there again.

I'm posting a link that gives information on Sjogren's here. Starting steroids this afternoon, I'm hoping to feel better by Monday.

Warm

2008-01-03T09:46:00.000-06:00

The pain of Fibromyalgia has been so extreme for me this winter that I did some research on how the cold affects Fibromyalgia.

Mostly what I was looking for was a remedy. I know cold affects it and I think this year it is so much colder that it is affecting me more.

I found that there is not much help. But,I did find that layers of clothes helps. So, because my left foot is so cold, I put on two pairs of socks. That helped for one day. Then, on top of the extra sock, I now have my foot wrapped in a heating pad. SUCCESS!!

Foot is now warm.

The extra layers of clothes help a bit, but not as much as I would like. So....last year I bought my husband a massage cushion to sit on. Turns out, it also, warms up. Now, I'm sitting on the warm cushion.

So, here I sit. My foot in two pairs of socks, wrapped up in a heating pad. My butt, on a heated cushion, layers of clothes on and a blanket across my lap. Do I feel better?

I certainly feel warm.

Confused

2007-12-30T08:49:00.000-06:00

Well, it's Sunday and I'm still in pain. Don't feel much like going to church. Have not made that decision yet.

When I was first diagnosed with Lupus, I had a lot of things happen to me that confuse where I'm at now.

My thyroid quit working. The doc's say that is because the Lupus killed it. I started going through the change. I gained weight.

Before and after weight gain:

All this happened together. So, now, I have no idea what was caused by the Lupus and what is just from getting old and going through so many changes.

Do I hurt because I have aged or do I hurt from fibromyalgia. Am I stiff from the same. Confusing. Maybe, it is just because it is cold. All I do know is I hurt and I am getting tired of it.

Fighting Symptoms

2007-12-29T10:22:00.000-06:00

Every since I started this blog, I have had to fight the pain of Fibromyalgia. I have not had symptoms for years. I can only believe that it is an attack from Satan to stop me from writing this blog.

There must be someone out there who will be healed or find comfort in this blog.

I come against this attack in the power of the name of Jesus Christ. I will not fall for this scheme and will continue to walk in the path that Christ has put me on.

If you, also, need prayer, just leave me a post on the prayer link in the upper right hand corner of this blog.

If God is with you, who can come against you.

Natural Remedy

2007-12-26T07:08:00.000-06:00

I found this article on the web. Natural Lupus Remedy.

I had never been much into natural remedies before, but, last year I had a hysterectomy and was put on hormones. I really had trouble with the hormones. I could not think, felt emotional and attacked by everyone. A friend told me to take Black Cohose. What an amazing difference it made. No hot flashes and I could think.

So, after that experience, I am pro natural remedies. This is a good article and I know how important it is to stay healthy. Whatever it takes to stay off steroids.

Christmas Trials

2007-12-22T08:36:00.000-06:00

When I was so terribly sick and it would be Christmas, I would wonder if this would be my last Christmas.

My mind would encompass thoughts of my children and husband and all they would do when I was gone. I would weep over my children's youth and pray for longer time on this earth. Christmas was hard.

I struggled to make Christmas the way it would be if I was not ill. To continue in the traditions of the past. Cooking, wrapping, shopping were all so difficult. But, I was determined to make each Christmas special to my family.

For those of you with these lingering thoughts and fear, I say you are right to continue to make things as normal as possible. It is good for you and for your family. But, for those of you who can't, because you are to ill, I say keep your spirits as joyous as possible. This is good for you and for your family.

It is important to keep joy in your heart. To dig deep down into your spirit and live in the moment with happiness. It can be so hard, but, to keep that positive outlook will create positive effects.

Christmas is the time of year to celebrate new beginnings. The birth of Jesus was a new beginning that took the world into hope and strength. You my friend, can include yourself in this time of new beginnings and find that hope and strength.

My attitude during those trying Christmas days, was one of leaving my depressing thoughts and focusing outside of myself. I, enjoyed celebrating Christ' birth and new beginnings with my family. Seeing the world through a veil of sickness fades the color of joy. My friend that veil can only be lifted through the promises of Jesus Christ. Seeing the world through His eyes will bring you the joy to overcome your circumstance and rejoice over what God is doing all around you.

Have a merry, merry Christmas and may God's gift of healing be yours.

2007-12-21T07:18:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I woke to horrible pain. I have not had a fibromyalgia pain in years. I'd forgotten all bad it can be.

Not only is your body in turmoil but, your brain quites working as well. It was an all day thing. Today is much better.

I fight any symptom or day like yesterday, with prayer. I have been healed by Christ, so, I believe, that these days, like yesterday, are a scheme to get me thinking I'm ill again. So, I fight the good fight of truth.

I call to my God and stand on His promises. I, always, rebound into health. I have learned not to ponder the way I feel nor to let my body drag my mind down. I continue to praise God and believe.

Today, I praise God that I continue to walk in my healing. I am determined to not let go of the healing that I have received from God.

God is good. Dear reader, I would love to pray for you. Just leave me a note. I have a link in the top right corner of this site for you to list your prayer request.

Love to all who read this post and may God be with you.

My story

2007-12-19T07:15:00.000-06:00

In 2001 I was diagnosed with Lupus. It was quite frightening. I'd only been a Christian a few years & was having some difficulty understanding. I had begun to walk in the Healing ministry & had seen God heal a few people by using me, but, here I was ill.

Lupus is a strange Illness. I did my research & realized I was in trouble. "Lean upon the Lord". That is all I had. There is no cure for Lupus & it is a try & see with maintaining your health.

A few months after I was diagnosed I got fluid on my heart. This caused the Doctors to put me on steroids. Now, the Lupus had already messed up my thyroid so I had gained weight, but, with the steroids I gained 150 pounds. I had always been thin, sometimes to thin - this was difficult for me. Not, difficult in the esteem department, difficult for me to carry around. So, I ended up on a cane.

God told me one night that I would be sick for two years. This was good news - not knowing if he meant I'd be dead or healed- either way it was good news. But, I forgot this word from God in the mist of the pain, test & weariness.

I ended up taking 30 pills a day. After the diagnosis of Lupus, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, asthma, irritable bowel, acid reflects, skin writing syndrome, arthritis, - there's more but, can't remember. It left me with brain damage & autoimmune of the inner ear. I was so terribly sick.

In all of this God continued to use me. I my counseling practice people continued to be healed through the laying on of hands, inner healings, deliverance, & prayer. Their faith that God still worked through me says a lot about God's grace. Those people & my church prayed for me daily. My pastor layed hands on me every Sunday. It was a long hard two years.

My doctor was at a loss. He is a good Christian man. He told my husband & I that he had never seen someone get so sick so fast. We would go to see him & get bad news but, my husband & myself would not take it to heart. I would never claimed the illness. If asked what was wrong with me, I would say that I'd been diagnosed with Lupus. Never took it to be mine. If my thoughts went to the negative I would, "Catch every thought to the obedience of God" & throw that thought out. I'd replace it with praise to the Almighty Living God. You can't have a bad thought when you are in praise of the Lord.

Finally, the Doctor said, we only have one more thing we can do for you. That is chemotherapy.
Oh, I did not want that. My body was so torn up, run down, beat up - I didn't think I could take much more.

Tight after this, without my knowledge, 8 friends- including my husband- went on a forty day fast & prayer for me. I kept trying to get my husband to eat. I had no idea what they were doing. On the second week I, praise be to God, came out of the Lupus. Healed, I was Healed.

God in His great mercy Healed me. The doctor said it is a miracle. He had never seen such a come back. But, he would not say I was healed nor in remission. Just that he was amazed. The witness it gave to the church & others was huge. There was no other explanation except supernatural healing from the Living God.

It was 2 years that I was sick. Just like God had said. 2 years. Now, 2 years after that, I get a medical report from my doctor. He had taken blood work & found the the Lupus markers in my body are suppressed. No Lupus. He now believes I am a walking miracle.

I am a walking miracle. I speak of this often & if Satan tries to make me disbelieve I say "I'm not falling for that. I am Healed". "No weapon formed against me will prosper." I believe that if we keep our eyes on God, that if we hold on to, that we are "wonderfully & perfectly made", that if we have faith that God can & will do anything, that God is the same yesterday, today & tomorrow, that you will see the hand of God move.

Faith is everything. Build your faith. Hold firm to the promises of God. I do, I will, I can.

Why a blog about Lupus

2007-12-18T12:41:00.000-06:00

My dear friend,

I have created this blog to offer you support and encouragement as you walk the lonely and long walk with Lupus. It will be a place where you can share thoughts, pain, and celebration. I understand the feelings that you are having because, I too, have been diagnosed with Lupus. But, my story has turned out wonderfully.

I have been healed by the name of Jesus Christ from Lupus. I intend to share my experience of healing with you and pray for your healing.

One of the reasons I have started this blog is that a lot of you readers have been searching through the Internet for Christian healing of Lupus. I have another blog Supernatural Christian where many of you have come to find your answer. This blog will be totally dedicated to you and your needs.

I am for you, not against you. I am dedicating myself to your needs. You are the most important subject of this blog.

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