Gone

I don't know what to write. I really don't. I wait on God to tell me what I should write and I hear nothing. I can only reflect.

The last 12 days have been long and a blur. I have seen God move in so many ways that I can only sit in awe of the beauty of His glory. I have had ordained appointments, seen into the spirit realm and cried till my eyes became raw.

I waited for the spirit of death and he arrived last night at 10 till 7. My mother is gone. Gone from us, but now with the Father. She cried at that moment of death and I rose up from my sit, bent over her and spoke truth to her. She heard me, my brother kissed her and she left. Oh, how we wept.

Throughout the day people had come and gone in her room. So, many prayed and so many songs were sang over her. The song, still resonate in my heart. My friends came and loved on my mother as if she were their own. They are, my friends, beautiful people of God. Giving of themselves in that hour and showing the love of God. To them I say "Thank you".

I prayed, all day, that God would let me see her go. I expected, if I saw, it to be like it was in the post "Spirit of Man". But, as the day went on, I just began to ask for God's will and left my need behind. Turns out, a friend had been praying that God would give me a supernatural experience with my mother and he did.

At some point in the day, I had the thought that my mother's spirit was going to go right through me. After the thought, I pondered and told myself that was weird.
Feeling it was my own strange thinking, I let it go. But, in that last moment, I knew before she took her last breath that it was done. I sat back and I saw a blur quickly rise up out of her and fly right through me. I felt a weight come off of me. It gave me the feeling that I had lost a hundred pounds and was, for a second weightless. She did as I had thought and flew right through me.

It has only been eleven hours now, but there has been much speculation on why this happen by a handful of people. One, was that she took with her the burden that I have been carry for the last five years of taking care of her. I don't know. Maybe, it was just God's way of answering my prayer of seeing her go. No matter what the reason, it was a beautiful moment and I thank the Most High for giving it to me.

They told us that we could take as much time with her as we wanted after she was gone. But, we began to pack up and leave. She was no longer there and we saw no point. Her body is now in the hands of the embalmer, which is a notion that I can not stand. I detest embalming and think that we should, like the Jews, go to the ground quickly and not mutilate the body. But, she wanted to allow time for her out of state family to come to see her. So, I cringe and just take it.

There are certain things that we need and want in this life and one that strikes us to the very core is the need for our mothers. Good or bad we are connected to her in so many ways. That earthly connection, for myself, has been broken. I will, however, see her again. I have that great hope in my life. I have assurance of where she is now and her future. My mother has not stopped she has become more. More lovely, more vigorous, more joyful, more enlightened, more gracious, more elegant, more beautiful. She is now set free and I know, with out a doubt, that she is happy.

Mother

My mother has been very ill. She is passing on. It is a slow process and I and my brother, Only in His Service, have been spending everyday in the hospital trying to get her to eat.

It is exhausting and difficult to watch. My heart is heavy and sadness radiates my entire being.

Can't Stand Myself

I continue to do well. The vitamin D is a 5,000 mg dose. I'm having some side affects. Stomach problems, loose bowel and, I believe, I STINK.

Yes, I smell myself. Others say, they don't smell me. I DO!!!!

Taking showers, covering myself in lotion....nothing helps.

I'm hoping this gets better. I have to take these pills, once a week for two months. I can't stand myself.

What to do?

Joy!!!

My joy is overwhelming.

I got my blood work back yesterday and am amazed. I am not in a flare. As a matter of fact, my lupus markers are still suppressed. Thank you God.

All these symptoms are from a vitamin D deficiency. All the symptoms. Is that remarkable. The symptoms mimicked Lupus.

I can not thank God enough. Truly, His healing five years ago continues. Even when I wavered and fell under the delusion that the Lupus was back, God was faithful and kept me safe from myself.

Thank you God.

There is no one like our God. His faithfulness endures forever.

Fear

Do you fear Lupus? My child, "I have not given you a spirit of fear".

I have never gone into fear over my diagnosis. It,Lupus, will not break my spirit,nor define my life. It is but a "thorn in my side". I will remember my vulnerability, because of it, but will not succumb to its rules.

I will live above the nature of Lupus and live, only with the Word of God. That is what defines me for the Word says, I am "Wonderfully and perfectly made". This is the truth and it is what I live by.

Some would say, "How foolish". "You live in a dream and ignore the reality." My answer is that this place is just a stop over to eternity and my lot here is "Nothin but a thing."

I will live above Lupus and glorify the Lord. Lupus will not distract me, nor take me from my purpose on this earth. Through it, Lupus, God has spoke to many, so things are not as they appear. "In all things, I will glorify the Lord."

So, when you are flaring or taking another test. Sing to the Lord, He is your comfort. Pray for that peace, that goes beyond all understanding, and you will find it. Believe, in the mighty power, of the Living God and He will deliver you from the fear of the disease called Lupus.

Free from the Grip of Death

It has been a week since I saw the doctor and I still have not heard a word from him. No news on my test results. I suppose that is good, but I am curious.

I feel wonderful though. Last Thursday, I got prayer from my small group and feel I was delivered from a spirit of death. I believe that I had just decided I was going to die and was just going to succumb to it.

The prayer was amazing and full of love. My deliverance complete. My spirit is so much lighter and my body feel light and painless. I am very happy.

Apple Cider Vinegar

I went to the doctor today. Weird!!! The decision on new medications was put off. They took six vials of blood to see where I am at, because I have seen some improvement over the last week and the reason is soooo weird.

Apple cider vinegar. YEP!!! That is what I said. Apple cider vinegar.

My husband has serious sinus problems and I read where apple cider vinegar would help. So, I started him on a drink made up of the vinegar, honey and Stevia. He hated the taste so bad, that I drank it with him. You know, like showing your children that the medicine is not so bad. Well, I found that the swelling in my mouth went down to nearly nothing, my reaction to chemicals stopped and I had more energy. Is that weird.

Well, I am grateful. I still do not know what the blood nor urine will show, but the doctor said that Vinegar is an anti-inflammatory as well as the Noni that I have been taking and to keep it up. We will see about the blood test.

I thank God for His hand on nature. I use to not think much about holistic medicine. But, I have certainly changed my mind. I will be looking at more natural remedies now. Everything we need has been put into place by God and I just need to look for it. Thank you, God.

So many have been praying for me and for that I am so grateful. God plots out our every step and I find comfort there. Where He leads, I will follow. Whatever comes next, I will find God in it and rely on Him for my strength.