Hospital Visit

Last night, I had to go to the emergency room with chest pain. I hate it that with Lupus, so much of the time, they can not find any reason for your pain.

At least, my heart was not involved.

I have to see my doctor today for follow-up, because, if the pain is front fluid around the heart, it was to soon to show up on the ex-ray.

What I believe it is, is swollen ligaments and tendons in my rib cage. My pain is horrible. Truly need relief. Any ideas out there?

My Inner Ear

Last night, before I went to bed, I noticed I had a bright red spot on my face. I have not seen one of those for several years. I felt pretty disappointed and it is still there this morning. But, I will be extremely happy, if this thing on my face, does not get any bigger or spread.

I am having some trouble with my inner ear. I have autoimmune inner ear disease. It came about from the Lupus. The Lupus attack the mechanism in my ear that keeps the fluid, in my ear level. This causes me to be dizzy. Very dizzy. But, for the last few years, I have not had any trouble.

Now, it would seem, it is back. I will be just sitting around, minding my own business, when suddenly the room will take off. It will spin violently. Or I may feel like I am floating. This all can, also, cause me to be confused.

Back then, I was sent to see a vertigo specialist. He put me on a low dose water pill, which, after a while, helped. I suppose, I need to go and see him again. But, going back to see him feels like I am giving into this attack. Going backwards some how.


I seek the Lord on this flare up. Waiting for a word or vision on why, this is all coming back on me. But, I refuse to linger in the pit of Lupus. I will keep my eyes on God, doing His work and not giving up.

A Question of Ethics

This article that I'm posting is about a breakthrough in research into mitochondrial DNA research. They may have found a way to manipulate DNA by using 3 embryo from three different parents. This manipulation could lead to a cure for autoimmune disease.

I read the article and was a bit uneasy. I questioned myself. Is this manipulation ethically wrong? Are we messing where we should not be? Are we playing with life? Would I take a drug designed from the embryo's of three different parents?

My answer to the last question was. "Yes". Then why ask the first set of questions?

Click here for the article.

Cold Feet

Always concerned about my cold foot, I found this article "The Chill Factor" that talks about Raynaud's Disease. It is a good read.

I did, however, I believe, figure mine out. A talk with my doctor eased my mine. It appears to be a nerve problem. I was in fear it was my heart.

Caretaking

I am still going up and down. Went to church Sunday feeling great, but by midday pain had set in and I broke down and took pain medication.

My mother lives with me. She has Alzheimer’s and is in the middle stage. It is such a struggle, at times. Well, a lot of the time. My mother is a very self centered woman and that has not stopped with the onset of Alzheimer’s. She has become quite demanding.

Right now, she has a swollen wrist and hand. I enlisted my daughter to help me and we took her to the doctor today. No broken bones, just incredibly swollen. She is suppose to just rest the hand and wait to see if it gets better. The outcome of this trip to the doctor was, she has become more helpless.

The thing is, when she thinks you are not looking, she is not in the least bit helpless. Then the problem is with me. There are times when I just don't have the energy to cater to her. She said to me the other day, "I know you hurt, but I need you go to the kitchen and get me food." I made her wait, but was stunned at her callousness. This is not new behavior nor a result of the Alzheimer’s. She has always been like this.

One day, if she lives, I will, more than likely have to put her in a nursing home. I, do not look forward to that day. Even though, our relationship is hard, at least for me, I find the act of putting her in a nursing home difficult. I know the time is coming. It will likely be because I can not take care of her anymore.

Sometimes, I look forward to be alone with my husband and other times I feel guilt thinking this way. I'm sure this is all so very normal. So, I pray to God for His wisdom and peace in this coming decision. Leaning on Him, I pray for understanding and compassion in my current situation. I know I am learning lessons from God in this time and I struggle through this time knowing that on the other end, God's lessons will bless me.

For now, I keep my mother near and try to make her life comfortable and loving. It is a trail for me to not take on selfish thinking and to not become bitter. So, I will, give those kinds of feelings and thoughts over to God for Him to do with them the right and wish thing.