Still Waiting

Saw the Doctor on Friday. But, no news. Did another ekg and then ex-rays. Hopefully, I will find out, something, today.

Turns out, that when I went to the hospital, they gave me a pain mediciene, that is the strongest pain medicine know to man. It certainly worked. But, only for a short time. Now they have me on Percecet. I sleep a lot and am no good as posting.

I am copying some of what I wrote today on my other blog, because, I am way to droggy to spell or think right. I hope what I wrote shows some of where I am at right now.


If this does not make a lot of sense, it is because I am still on some heavy pain medicine. First, thank all of you for your response to my last post. I was over joyed with the love that poured out from my brother and sisters. Many even came over from my daughters blog, A Homesteading Neophyte, to encourage me. I am so grateful.

I saw my doctor on Friday and still do not know anything. She just put me on stronger pain medicine. So, I sleep a lot. Then I wake up and the pain is too much, so I take a pill and sleep. I have, however, been doing a lot of crocheting. But, I find my self waking up, frozen in time, in the middle of a stitch.

The Christian response to my flare up of Lupus has been diverse. Some say, "it is an attack from Satan". Some, just except it as part of living in this world. Others, believe I need to search myself for a sin. Then there are the ones who see it as a trial.

As to it being an attack, could be. My ministry is growing again and I usually start to have trouble when that happens. There was something in my house yesterday. It was visible not only to me, but to my husband, which is unusual. It showed itself several times. My thought, at first, was that, it was my medicine causing me to see things, but when my husband saw it, I knew different. But, is this because of an attack? I see, feel and smell things a lot. Could be something besides an attack. Need to pray to find out about this thing in my home.

Is the flare up of Lupus just because we live in a fallen world. This could be also. The cause of Lupus is not really known. They have their suspicions, but no real answers. I may be genetically disposed to Lupus. Which could be a curse. Of course, many, including myself, have prayed to break a curse of Lupus. But, have not seen the results of that breaking. Whether, it be from the environment, genetics or self inflicted abuse of my body, this world has a lot to offer in the way of sickness and pain. But, through the power of God these things are overcomed.

Is it a sin? I, always, have sin. Why, would this be from a sin, now. In the past, God has always shown me a sin that needs to be addressed. When the sin is exposed, God and I usually take care of it and I walk free from that particular sin. So, why would one sin be treated any different from the other. God always has my attention, He talks to me, this should be no different. Now that I write this, I realize that I have not even asked God "why".

The last time, I was sick, He did not give me a "why". He just told me that I would be sick of two years. I did not know if I would die after those two years or be healed. But, it was two years and I never did ask "why". Do, I need to know "why"? I don't think I do. The out come of the last time was amazing. God used Lupus, to minister in amazing ways. Ways that would not have been possible before Lupus. So, I'm not sure I'll be asking "why".

Is, this reacourance of Lupus a trail? Well, I don't know. If I don't ask, then, I don't know. God, pretty much knows, that I am His, no matter what. But, I never exactly, know the mind of God. After all, His ways are not my ways.

So, with all the different theories and suggestions, I listen, pray and ponder and then let God be God in my life. I do fight, because, I am not one to take anything lying down. But, I also, try to walk the path that God has laid out before me with dignity and peace.

Well, my hour is up. You see, dear reader, I have one hour from the time I wake up till the medicine and pain over take me and I am lost to this world. I hope this post makes sense to you. I understand it completely. Of course, I am living in a different zone than you might be. My world is a bit blurred right now.

I am totally blessed by you, my dear readers.